WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
