Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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