I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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