Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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