dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
