I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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