I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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