what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
