I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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