I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These tits shall not be calmed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
