I think I died a long time ago.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
