she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
