its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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