eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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