I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize