My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
