it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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