dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
