do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
