She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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