Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
