New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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