She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize