FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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