why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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