Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
