The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're like the curious george of whores
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
