I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
