U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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