frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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