loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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