U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
