dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
