so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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