at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
