hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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