one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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