i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
