You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
