i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
