i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
