I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
