he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
