I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
