god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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