i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
