Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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