The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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