Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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