I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Randomize
