did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
