And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
