Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
