But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
