you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
