Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
