haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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